pigeon quesadillas

young boy: What would it be like if there was pigeon on  the quesadillas?
father: what would it be like if you talked much more quietly?
young boy: *blank stare*
father:Pigoens wouldn't taste very good....

overheard at Chipolte... if this was you and your son let me know i properly credit you and your son...or remove if need be. but oh i giggled

itchy

Do members of your household suffer from an alarming new allergy? Steve seems to have developed an allergy to the last few squares of toilet paper. Rather than use them and suffer he has started leaving them on the tube and pulling out a new roll . This would not be concerning except for the fact that the tubes with 3 or 4 squares of paper left are starting to pile up in the bathroom....

uhg slugishly non triumphant return

244.8

mango coconut water, onion bagel, 2c mixed cantaloupe and honeydew melon,1 mini mr good bar, 100 calorie bag of lornadoone short breads, mini crackle, chiplote black bean and chicken burrito,mild and corn salsa sour cream and cheese, guac and chips (split w/ the boy), mr pibb xtra.

2.5-3 angry venting miles walked in the cold.

phrase i despise: nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. ugh how much do i despise this phrase? i understand that cutting back and eating healthy often m4eans forgoing the tasty things in enjoyed in the past. But I can't even pretend that i will give up good tasting food forever. If i have to be miserable to look good whats the point. I want to be happy and healthy. not miserable and skinny. I hate that thinness= beauty=suffering. NO NO NO. It may take me a few extra miles walking or some extra time on the treadmill but I'm going to eat good food(good tasting which can be done in a healthy way) or this whole thing is a crock.

weird dreams

Ru Pauls Drag Race + SyFY channels alice in wonderland adaptation + starting to watch Glee + just getting my computer back after it was sick for a week + Chorri Pollo and a half carafe of sangria = a dream I'm not sure i want to understand.

Set in a post appocaliptic abandoned russian insane assylum mashed up with a rambling zoo a group of twenty somethigns see Rihanna perform a song about red roses with her crazy Bozo the clown red frizzball of curls. The group then sets off on a quest (that i never understood what our goal was) and put us in an abandond wharehouse where sue sylvester attacked justin beiber with a hollow core door that she broke over his head. The group then escqaped to the zoo where we all pushed strollers ( some people had babies , teen mom style, not sure where they came from) to butt in lines to see animals, and to carry our suppiles easier. We went to a picnic area twoards the back edge of the zoo and proceeded on our quest out through the woods behind the zoo where they kept rehabiltating animals. somehow we were goiog through the monkey area and we were inside the fence withthe monkeys and a few little monkeys decided to ride in our strollers. it was also around this point that i realised we were all barefoot. we eventually make it to the abboandoned assylum and go around outside it on a tour . when we get to a corner called the feather point alot of uus won 't go near it as it feels really  nasty. supposedly it is called feather point as many inmates com mited suicide by jumping off the point thinking they could fly like birds. as the members of the group that didn't fell comfortable looking at feather point start to explore further away form the assylum we are surrounded by a group of sexy pirate ninjas that take us to a place very similar to Beibers wharehouse where we end up fighting a gaggle drag queens, when we get to the leader ( who looks like a cross between Ju Ju Be this seansons Manila ) we find out that Maddonna is holding  Ru Paul hostage and the other Queens are supposed to take out Rihanna as Maddona wants to be the red queen.....

At this point I woke up...  not sure how much more my mind could do with this. If you've never seen the syfy channels Alice i totlly recomend it , amazing version of the story and visually brethtakin g. Part of it is filmed in this abbandoned assylum in cnada som ewhere and some of it is sooo washed out and drab but at one point it was very modern and now nature is reclaiming it so it has a reall post apocaliptic feel. THroughout the dream most of the group i was directly interacting with were dressed in a very steam punk or 40's fiml nior fashion in all neutral colors brown and greyed out....

Maybe i should give up wine and greasy mexican food together?

uhg

well i started walking, i did a mile, half on the treadmill and half on the elliptical, it took me 20 min and by the end i could feel my calves burning. I knew i probably shouldn't have pushed so hard, but i know diet isn't going to change my body at all i need to become more active. In fact i was a bit worried that i wouldn't be able to do it. But i succeeded and i now just need to make myself add it to my routine.

I have started reading some fitness and weight loss blogs in addition to the fat acceptance blogs i read. I think I'm just clouding my mind at this point. The weight loss blogs make me sad when girls show pictures of them selves that i think are beautiful, and they go on  to talk about how disgusting their body was then and how they will never let themselves go like that again. I think these pictures are beautiful ... these pictures look like me. I think i am beautiful. I have some health issues (that my thinner family members also have I'm not unhealthy because of my weight) and my doctor suggested exercise ( not weight loss!) to help get myself to a better spot health wise. But I am so saddened by how these other women tear themselves apart.

Of course i am sad when i see some piece of clothing that i love ,but does not come in my size. I do not think it makes me a foul beast.  Uhrg i really can't get out quite what i am thinking now, I'm sure I'll revisit this later.


on a side note after i posted the blog about the freeman clay mask i emailed them with some questions about it , i have yet to hear back... shady. but i bought it so I'm using it up, i squirted out some extra while i was putting it on this evening and decide to do my hands with it as an experiment.... mmm nice soft hands!

so I'm not sad to say i haven't gotten on the scale, i think it was actually making me not want to blog , being afraid the number on the scale would go up. I may just start measuring and only weigh myself once a week as opposed to every time i post.

so not what i was hoping for

In starting a blog, I was hoping to motivate myself to change in positive ways and learn to accept what my body can do and move on  from there. Granted 4 posts in probably doesn't encompass everything i have to offer, but i think that I may be Bipolar... i will look into seeing a doctor about it and keep my lack of readership updated.

also bought fabric to make 2 beautiful black and white plaid skirts, one taffeta one a heavyweight knit like stuff. As I have really only been seriously sewing for a few months this will be an adventure and hopefully will turn out well. I'm starting by making my own pattern using the tips from Gerties Blog for better sewing
i have to play with the sewing machine a bit and see if i have an invisible zipper foot , if not i will have to buy one.

i may start posting outfits of the day.

blargh

Oh I'm sorry , to my readership of none, that i did not post yesterday, the windows in my apartment are supposed to be replaced tomorrow and there isn't supposed to be anything within 4 feet of them. it was a lot of crap to move. the sewing machine and desk, my desktop computer and desk, the dinning room table and chairs. and i had to clean up all the projects that have been slowly taking over the living room .

(pirate/owl door wreath, spiderweb/bride of Frankenstein corset and waist cincher, aqua rose veiled cocktail hat, circus purse, grey knit tank top catastrophe, learn to crochet, and 2 -tshirts i am shredding. also feathers, sequins, beads,rhinestones,floral leaves, zippers, 9 spools of thread, 6 spools of ribbon, the iron and ironing board, Steve's "missing" roll of nylon webbing and several miserable attempts at a self drafted tank top pattern)

some times i have much more inspiration than ability..... if any of these projects come to fruition i will be sure to post pictures